I haven’t introduced you to Festo and Ejakait, have I? Well, the both of them are two prize idiots. They beat that nutcase relative of yours by far. The other day, Festo was in town, wondering where supper would be found. Ejakait came to mind, so he called him. Unbeknownst to Festo, Ejakait was just dialing his number at the very moment, so namukwatilayo!
Festo: Mr. Man, *%#@, is the phone strapped to your thumb or what?! Suppose I was just beeping? You know how I can be with my airtime! Anyway, are you at your place?
Ejakait: Yes I am… warrup? And FYI, I hate beepers. You guys are downing my Nokai’s battery life! Y’alls can go get a life!!
Festo: That’s the thing with China phones, man. They are weak in every aspect. I wouldn’t be surprised if you told me that you are charging the damn thing right now. Ditch it, man! Kati now I’m coming over for supper, stay put.
Ejakait: Easy. Bring a bird.
Festo: I’ll catch you one of Jennifer’s chickens… Prepare the wundo!!
At this juncture, we pause to enlighten yo, our dear readers. A wundo(pronounced woo-ndo) is a 500g Nomi bucket(without the Nomi inside). It is famous for many uses, including boiling water for tea, drinking the said tea, (and, sometimes, peeing the said tea into at 2:30am! No sweat!), boiling eggs, shelling the said eggs into… you name it. It comes standard with that coiled thing boys in hardcore boarding secondary schools use to make bushera and heat their bathing water!!
Jennifer’s chickens…? We all know Jennifer ‘Smash ‘em’ Musiisi… We all know her black and white chickens… Need one say more? Back to Festo and Ejakait.
Ejakait: Those chickens are toxic. They might disintegrate the wundo….
Festo: They are damn cheap too, ie free! You’re sure one won’t do?
Ejakait: Hehehehe… I don’t have a saucepan big enough… and they can’t somersault in the grill!
Festo: But I’m sure there are some we can catch from your place…
Ejakait: Their habitat has suffered some major setback…
Festo: Wait… I can see some strolling about amidst the Makerere flats… The trouble is when you approach them and they decide to fly away…
Ejakait: You need to dress like them… I have a costume with a beak…
Festo: Oba we just storm KCCA and Parliament Avenue… Sources say that that is where they hang out. Mbu KCCA is actually the coop that Jennifer allocated to them!!
Ejakait: Man that is far… Just strangle one, twist its damn neck and drag it up here… We’ll let the blood drip…
Festo: No, no, wait, I have just been struck by a bolt of sudden brilliance. Let’s wait for the dark. The dumb things can’t see a thing in the dark. That’s when you can creep up on one and clobber it over the head. It won’t even know what hit it. The next time it stirs will be in the wundo… Heehe, if you get what I’m saying. Going against it right now in this light is military suicide. First of all its breath will knock you out!!
Ejakait: Hehehehheehe… that’s a brilliant idea…and we would identify its neighbor and pluck it for future consumption.
Festo: One has to be discreet when dealing with Jenifer’s chickens. It is chap-chap shizo… You’ll be there looking in its sister’s face mbu “identifying it for the next time”, then it will wake up and breath in your face. You will be dead soon after! Nobody has survived those things’ breath!
Ejakait: So are you still hunting for one? I could eat a whole cow right now
Festo: Abdu Jabari’s? But we first of all have to put everyone to sleep. That way we walk away without paying or washing pans!! I’ll b there in about 30 seconds.
Ejakait: Fair enough.
They are still looking for Abdu Jabari’s Restaurant’s physical address!! Do you have any idea? Me, I told them it was in my TV!!