I have introduced you to Festo and Ejakait, haven’t I? They are the two prize idiots. They each beat that nutcase relative of yours by far. The other day, Festo was in the bank. The queue was not shifting, and the tellers were oozing with attitude. You know how tellers in Ugandan banks be! You just want to take a bucket of waste kitchen water and pour it on their weaves!! Well, Festo decided to kill the boredom by looking at the situation from a different perspective. It was twisted. So he posted a comment on Ejakait’s wall, y’know, to try and look busy with something so that the cute teller in Booth 2 could notice him.
Disclaimer: Please note that the views expressed herein are not the views of The One Question Network!!
Festo: I thought the lines in dfcu suck… Now I’m in Centenary Bank and for some reason all the farmers decided to be here today!! There’s chicken feathers floating about, and loam soil from people’s gumboots!
Ejakait: Have you noticed the guy leaning on his spade?
Festo: No, it’s a forked hoe. I can also see bits of carrot sticking off the pointy points!!!
Ejakait: Bwaaahahaahah… What about the guy who left his chicken feeds with the askari?
Festo: Yeah… He had parked his red Massey Ferguson outside and left the Multiplex guys wondering how to clamp it!
Ejakait: Haahaha… Dead… You have killed me…!! Did I just see a pig tied outside? These farmers!!
Festo: No, its some breed of sheep that the NAADS chaps introduced. It has short legs and extra large ears… Easily passes for “the tasty thing with the curly tail”!
Festo: Unreliable sources say that that particular breed’s DNA was embezzled from some yet-to-be-identified facility…
Ejakait: Lol… Festo… you are killing me!
By this time, Festo was at the counter at Booth 2, the one with the cutie in it. He puffed up like those toads on NatGeo Wild and made his usually low voice as deep and as baritone as he could manage. It was disaster. What was heard was an embarrassing, hoarse and shaky “Hi”… Like somebody was choking on dry Weetabix!!
She had noticed him, alright, just not in the way he hoped to be noticed. Chic eye-balled him, her nose raised, the corner of her mouth slightly open, like the cat had just taken a dump on her lap. It was enough to intimidate a brother. Festo broke out in a cold sweat. He felt sickly. Suddenly, there was a great urge to be lost.
All the while, she stamped papers and punched her keyboard, and put money into that-thing-that-counts-money-like-it-is-going-to-shred-it…
You see, Festo is an idiot, but he is a bright idiot. Plan B was already in play. He had already drawn the shortest route to the nearest exit, because this had become the part where a hasty retreat was the last card.
Next week we will see what happened when Festo met his woman later in the evening in Festo and Ejakait, Episode 3: Explain Yourself!